Chrooth

Since February 2024, I’ve been engaged in the longest running and most consistent meditation practice I’ve ever managed. ADD, too busy, blah, blah, blah. Just insert whatever excuse you can imagine for someone who’s just plainly undisciplined.

All that aside, one consistent statement we students of meditation hear as often as the sun rises; “Take refuge in the breath!”, “There is untold joy in the breath”, “Breath is life and life is bliss. So find your bliss in the breath!”.

So I’ve been looking. I’ve been searching the breath for that bliss, and, to my credit, found a marginal amount of success; brief glimpses of ecstasy between the mundane, but nothing substantial enough to alter my reality permanently.

As is my way, I inevitably turned to reason, wondering if login had anything to say on the matter, and I am very pleased to say that I’ve found two things worth sharing.

The first is indeed an ode to the magic, the sacredness, and really, when it gets down to it, just the plain old value of it.

A number of years ago, I became aware of a branch of psychology called “Evolutionary Psychology”. In this field, the hope is to explain our behavior, beliefs and impulses using the machinery of evolution as the primary influence. This isn’t going to involve a lot of Evolutionary Psychology, but the reason this point is relevant is due to the effect it’s had on how I attempt to understand something.

If I have a question, I have had a great deal of success looking back in time, taking what I know of how we evolved in order to understand how or why someone might behave or believe. I never tire of exploring that space either. Some of the most stories in the history of life are contained in those early chapters and I believe this to be one of them.

So where did I find the sacredness of breath in this evolutionary history? Right at the beginning.

Now, before I dive in, I must qualify that all of human understanding for what was going on at the advent of life itself is speculative and imaginary at best. But where we cannot say we know much of anything from back then for sure, we do *understand* quite a bit.

One thing that we understand is that the act of breathing itself evolved at least twice. Once for those who breath carbon dioxide, and a second time, much later on for those who breathe oxygen.

In the very beginning, there likely just wasn’t any oxygen around, so even if there was an organism that could breathe it, it wasn’t destined to make it very far; at least at that point in time. However, carbon dioxide was available by the kiloton, and so those organisms who were able to use it, did so, and inherited the earth as their own.

Easy to see this world where the only danger was in competition from other plants as a veritable utopia, and indeed it was; at least, for a few hundred million years. As it happens, these CO2 breathing behemoths, much like us, got a bit too successful in their bid for global domination, and, also like us, grew to the point where they began overconsuming their available resources.

The first climate catastrophe was under way. The first mass extinction was at hand. Total annihilation staring the kingdom of plantae square in its metaphorical eyes.

Fortunately, life itself is a clever beast. A bargain was struck and a savior was born in the form of curious little group of organisms that had the miraculous ability to breath the primary toxic waste gasses of the plant.

We took our first deep breath in, and exhaled the life giving CO2 the plants needed to survive, and survive they did!

Now… for our entire history, we have been blessed with an endless abundance of breath. The bargain struck with the plants guaranteeing that we would breathe for one another, for the rest of time. But, we must not let the availability of this resource diminish its importance.

On the list of needs for all of animal life we require food, shelter, water, and only a few of the more complete lists include air. We can go an impressively long time without food. Depending on the weather, we can also endure a few weeks without shelter. We can only live a few days without water. But the time we can survive without air is measure in either a small number of minutes or a large number of seconds.

The point I’m trying to make here is that oxygen, like food and water, is mandatory sustenance. Through the hubris that arises from having an infinite supply of it, we barely ever give it a second thought. Now food and water, we think about all the time. We have to because it’s scarce. It’s NOT always available, and so we have to fight for it, grow it, work for it. Food itself really is the basis of economy itself. The reason money exists is so that we can trade it for our needs, primarily food and water.

Understood in these terms, trying to understand the value of food, water and breath, the purest gold in the universe is ultimately worthless except in its capacity to be traded for these things. When you’re starving, when you’re thirsty, when you’re suffocating, all the gold in the world is worth nothing.

And so the first enlightening realization I’ve found about the breath is that it is invaluable and sacred. It is the most valuable resource we consume, but again, because we are all blessed with an infinite supply, we don’t spend much time contemplating its value, or that blessing, or the inarguable miracle that occurred when we, the oxygen breathers, came to the rescue and guaranteed our mutual future alongside the kingdom of plants.

And this leads to the second realization, which is, I’m sorry to say, substantially darker.

Every person has this looming question that none of us ever really get to answer. It’s asked as a novelty question, usually just for fun, or in more serious circles, to get you to think about yourself and who you really are:

“What would you do if you had unlimited wealth?”

Of course we all express the same or similar patterns; “Buy my parents a house.”, “Feed every poor person on the planet.”, etc., etc. with all our varying impulses coming out further down the list.

But this second realization, being based on the first, I think serves as the first honest and complete answer anyone’s every managed to this question. We’ve already seen exactly what we would do with unlimited wealth. Wealth is just a proxy for resources and there is indeed one resource that we’ve managed to make universally available for all in unlimited amounts.

So what did we do with that unlimited wealth?

We found another way to starve.

The body gives thanks to the mind, for you’ve felt me.
The tongue give thanks to the mind, for you’ve fed me.
The ears give thanks to the mind, for you’ve heard me.
The nose gives thanks to the mind, for the clean, clear fresh air.
The eyes give thanks to the mind for what we’ve seen.
The mind accepts and is known, to feel, to taste, to hear, to breathe, and to see.

There is no where to go
No value to justify
No purpose to fulfill
No path to follow
No Destiny to fulfill
No meaning to realize
No mara to defeat
No God to please
No truth to find

So much suffering caused by chasing the ghosts in our mind.

Only one true thought to transcend all other thoughts… “Get thee behind me.”

How to focus absolutely?
You have to find a single target of singular nature the represents one thing, one way, preferably named with a single syllable.
ONE
One concept, one idea, a singular object that I can point my mind towards
ONE
One thought, One magical thought. The better I can hold it, the more that I become…
ONE
The Universe is One. We are all one

The nature of the European colonizers can be completely summarized in one belief:
That anything they hold sacred touching the ground is offensive.

The notion that making contact with the earth is an affront tells us clearly how they feel about their mother earth.

The way they hoard and slaughter their food shows they feel no sense of brotherhood with the life they share this world with.

They even poison the water as though they have no notion of where that poison may end up, and then they pay a doctor to give them even more poison that they say will make them feel better.

Indeed it is clear that they have turned their backs on their families, believing that they are somehow superior, that they deserve to be safe and secure, insulated from the purifying forces of nature that have kept our family strong and stable.

Long ago our ancestors prayed, and our mother gave us a great gift. She was always willing to share her secrets, but she taught them how to listen. She showed us fire. She taught how to use rocks to carve tools. She gave us medicine. As long as we remained grateful, and remembered where these gifts came from, we lived in balance and remained strong!

But others took these tools and abused them, turned their backs and walked into weakness, and they wonder why they’re so tired and lonely…

We do not wonder at the source of their disease, and we curse them for forever for their insistence on infecting the rest of the world with it.

The time I spent is Islam
I asked them how a loving God could ever compell an honest man to murder
He said, “You do not understand the meaning of those words;
You do not even speak the native tongue of the messenger”
And he said perfectly calmly.
I told him I am not even a man of Islam
He asked what I was doing there.
I told him 2 reasons:
First, I never got to feel what it was like to have a good brother.
Second, the nature of social Islam ensures that you’re surrounded by advisors, bound to their philosophy and they know that their not strong enough alone.
It takes a village.

That was where I spent all that time talking to brids and whispering to horses.
My brother said “I’d like to introduce your two new brothers, the falcon and and the stallion.”
I made a vow to never speak another human word.
Sama; she taught about her savage world, and in it their are hunters who themselves are prey.
She even showed me how she warns her friends away from danger.
Ra’dun taught me how to lead, that a king is always in the front; always the first one into Battle. A man who will not lead does not deserve to be followed.

Together we hunted the enemy, the cunning wolf.
She decimated the heard, spread out her prey and devoured the weak ones.
I used a trap to ensure I had a chance to look her in the eye.
And the moment I did was the moment I died.
She told me her story too, and I heard every single shutter, every subtle twitch in her tired brow.
But then I saw the fire in her eyes. It was the fire of God, I read the words of a messenger and my heart burned.
I surrendered to her, she bowed back.
I let loose my trap and never has she left my side.

I had no one to look up to and no one to push me. I wasn’t going anywhere, much less where I wanted to go. And I knew I had to push hard because I want to go everywhere, I want to meet everyone;
I want to know everything.
They told me that’s not possible, but why not try to prove them wrong. I already know I can hear others’ thoughts and I know I can send them mine.
Then I can build a machine and amplify it as a simple matter of time.
TIME!? I’d better start there, living forever is only step number one.
Then off to the pharmacy I run.
I distill forever in a bottle to preserve this host,
Then I burn the recipe because I only needed one dose.
Onto you and your minds, I want to hear you all laughing at the same time.
I want to hear your best ideas so I can stitch them together and learn to bend space, and listen to everyone in every-when and every place.
At first it fills a room but eventually I get the hardware to fit in my pocket;
a new set of ears and a socket
so that now I can listen to a trillion minds
and I can process them on flesh, silicone, and atoms at the same time.
I simply offload the data into a metal mind.
I will listen with a smile but as a hobby, it continues getting smaller and more refined,
till I perfected all the pieces…
which are eventually modeled after….
mine?
I’m already made of this and made of that, I already have these pieces, I unplug and lean back.
Even without my ears and my metal brains I remember learning that I heard you louder with less strain. And on that day, I illuminate and say, it was always just the software in the way.
I release my hold and float into eternal thought, and I abide in this abode until a shimmer catches my eye, a light, a worthy story through a beautiful life,
and with the slightest impulse, I am torn.
Ripped away from “us” when “I” am reborn,
curious as ever!

In the city, I sleep until I can’t and it’s still never enough.

But when I’m in nature my ass is up at the ass-crack of dawn,
chasing sacred sounds and tracking magic animals by following the spells they cast.

I will not sleep until I’ve learned the patterns in the stars and begged the fire to tell me how it’s hypnotized me so, gaze trapped in one another’s spirit.

There is work to be done in paradise, but I do it all knowing that it will make me stronger, and so I lift with my soul!

I am in the company of death in every shadow, so I walk slowly and lightly and I am entirely with myself, knowing that in a moment, I might not be.

The air I breathe is medicine; the water I drink is tincture, both of a recipe perfected by something that loves me perfectly.

I see every color imaginable, in every shade; and the sunset reinvents its palette every day.

I listen to the world’s newest musicians sing the ancient songs they sing to their mother; prayers for protection, asking for their nest to stand strong, grateful that their song continues to be sung, that it may be heard forever.

May it be.

We once we’re joined together in the light and then exploded into dust.

The dust came together and exploded into chemicals.

Then chemicals came together and they exploded into acid.

The acid came together and exploded into life.

Then life came together and exploded at the top of the spine and that exploded into sensing the Divine.

We began creating tools, and then we fixed em to ourselves and kept evolving getting bigger fitting more into our shells.

As we grew, the tools got smaller till they started to resembles independent forces seeming like they tend to self assemble.

Certain patterns we’re repeated till they learned to work in teams and still got smaller ever smaller as we grew toward our dreams.

Evolved as Titans, to a thousand stories, power grown in stride, we look the same but now we’re driven by the cosmos we’ve built inside. Our outermost layer a strong yet flexible hyperdense protein, behold! I name thee skin. We grow until we stretch thin…. We fizzle and collapse upon ourselves again.

And I am gathered to myself, from every particle in sight and I implode till once again we’re all together in the light.

The first thing I need to do here is define exactly what I mean when I use the word “community”. It’s more than just a group of animals living together. That’s a “pack”. Human community is not just a pack. It’s not much more, but I think the addition of “complex communication”

Since the advent of the human community, we have been constantly embroiled in a battle between people who are unwilling to act in the best interest of the community, and the systems we create to incentivize everyone to act in the best interest of the community.

In two high level categories, these systems are called Religion and Government.

In the thousands of years worth of experimentation, we have unfortunately found ourselves to be incapable of producing any system capable of consistently effecting the desired results. This may be primarily due to a combination of poor implementation and the fact that our communities have tended to grow faster than our systems are able to keep up.

Regardless of the reason, the reality, that these 2 systems seem to be incompetent, is inescapable. They just don’t work. If there is one thing we’ve learned better than all others, it is that almost anyone who is given any measure of control over these systems, seems destined to abuse them for personal gain. With only the rarest exception, we find our religious leaders scandalized by financial glut and sexual deviance. Our politicians have been distilled into a collective of greed and depravity; and I do not believe this is any fault of their own…

Evolved as we may be, we are still at the beginning of our journey. We are still plagued by the natural compulsion to hoard resources, compulsively reproduce, and defend our perceived territory on threat of death. Our old instincts, that we needed to survive are indeed a poison to our community. Deeper still, these instincts evolved in a time when our communities were miniscule; limited to a few dozen. They simply do not work in a community of 8 billion; and yes, we are all one community; like it or not!

If we accept that the limits of our community are defined by the limits of the impact of our behavior, then we must accept that any notion of an “isolated people” is at the top of it’s last breath.

There are scores of individuals that are still adamant that we remain isolated, although their idea of isolation is still far too broad to comprehend, and too chaotic to control with any government or system we have today. I have no reservations about openly stating that Nationalism is as hilariously useful as it is arrogant and cruel.

So what is the answer? I just simply don’t have the audacity to make such a bold claim as to have figured it out. However, I am audacious enough to suggest that the problem with the aforementioned systems is simply in that they have failed to properly emphasize the impact of their individual behavior. They have entirely failed to instill a sense of understanding of the gravity of their willingness to betray the established behavioral code, and that is because their teachers do not understand it either.

The problem with answering to an external enforcer, be it god or a court judge, is that it carries with it the natural insinuation that if you can hide your actions from your adopted enforcer, then we fool ourselves into believing that our secret trespasses have no real consequences. It is my vehement plea that they absolutely, always do.

The problem with judges is that they rely on law breakers being caught by law enforcers. The problem with God is that we paint a petty picture of a being that communicates only through internal vague impression, and we never hear it protest our behavior and have no tangible evidence of their disdain. Despite our clergy’s pleas for faith, we mostly remain content to ignore whatever voice may be requesting our adherence. In both scenarios, the systems of behavioral control fall flat on their face due to the simple fact that we are constantly asking people to act in the interest of a faceless 3rd party.

And so the clear course is one of individual accountability; one where behavioral ideals and beliefs are built upon a foundation of personal understanding with the hope of inspiring individual investment. It is the only way we will ever make any serious progress toward sustainable peace.