I am not a patriot… yet!

Hey, remember that one time we fought a war to separate ourselves from a government that mandated patriotism? Yeah, being decapitated or even just persecuted for speaking out against your country sucks. The reason America exists is because criticism is in our best interest. It can hurt, but honest, caring criticism makes everything better. THAT is what makes America great, not coddling idolatry.

Do you know what pops up when you google “Rebel Flag”? Whole lot of controversy here. Only you can judge yourself here. If you have defended this flag but are offended by protest of any sort, for any reason, you are a hypocrite.

Now let’s review some amendments shall we!?

#1 – Protects our freedom of religion, speech, press, assembly, and the freedom to criticize our government. That last one is stated a bit pedantically (overly wordy) as “petitioning for a governmental redress of grievances”. The means we have the right to tell our government that they are screwing up without fear of reprisal, retaliation or persecution.

The purpose of the first amendment is to protect us from our government, and our right to speak out against them.

#2 – The right to keep and bear arms.

This one is simple. We have the right to protect ourselves and our freedoms as outlined in the constitution.

#3 – They can’t force you to house military personnel….

#4, 5,6,7, and 8 – All built to limit what the state can do during any legal trial to ensure fair and humane prosecution.

#9 – This one is incredible. It protects all of the rights that aren’t explicitly outlined in the constitution! These guys knew they weren’t going to cover everything and they stated that very clearly with this amendment.

#10 – Reinforces the fact that the government is NOT the country. The people are the country and the government are the representatives of the people.

You get the picture. This country was built on a foundation of descent! Protest! Rebellion!

I have a confession… I have been a hypocrite in sermonizing patriotism, but I haven’t read through the amendments since I was in 6th grade and I didn’t understand them then. I didn’t have the world view I have now to put them in context.

I have never read The Constitution or even the Declaration of Independence. I am going to right now.

I have read and listened to the “I have a dream speech” multiple times and I would challenge you to as well.

I have read the emancipation proclamation once.

I would challenge you would-be patriots to memorize these documents because they are that important. Our country is in a state of upheaval and we will need all the well informed patriots we can get. I don’t care what side you are on or what you believe, so long as you know what you’re talking about. As I have admitted, I don’t know enough, but I plan to.

I am not a patriot because I don’t know my country’s history and documents well enough to lay claim to that title, and I am humble enough to admit that.  I hope you will be as well.

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If Scientists Acted Like Christians

So what if Scientists acted like Christians?  No I’m not talking about the snide, perpetual condescension and whole “holier than thou” attitude.  I’m not talking about the institutional pedophilia, homomisia (corrected homphobia), or patriarchal misogyny.  I’m talking about leveraging your resources against a person or communities needs in order to force them to convert to your way of thinking.  The simplest example would be a missionary holding a biscuit and a cross in front of a starving child and making sure they understand it’s a package deal.   Of course the missionaries justify this behavior with the belief that they are saving that child’s soul from otherwise inevitable damnation. About 20% of the world disagrees entirely and 56% believe they are actually sealing the damnation because it’s the wrong faith, yet they are allowed to continue.  I’m not saying we should fight them or stop them.  Quite the opposite in fact.  I think we should fight fire with fire.

Unfortunately for them, there’s that whole correlation between Science and Technology.  Electronics, Medicine, Machinery, all of it.  Maybe when someone comes in to buy the new Iphone, they have to sign a legal agreement accepting Richard Dawkins as their personal savior and sovereign informer.  Maybe they bring their children in for a vaccine but before we give it to them, they are forced to profess their knowledge of the scientific method and demonstrate proficient understanding of the theory of evolution, the age of the universe and several methods for how these conclusions are proven.

I don’t believe in God for 2 reasons.  Put your shirt back on, I’m not an Atheist in the hard line definition, but as far as the Agnostic spectrum allows, I’m about as close as you can get.  As for the existence of supra-human consciousness, totally agnostic.  I have no idea.  I don’t know enough about consciousness.  But more specifically concerning the Judeo-Christian God that over half of the world worships on at least a weekly basis, I am indeed completely convinced of its non-existence, and here’s why.

In short, Reason and Contrast.

Reason is simple.  Specifically, the reason that God exists, like pretty much every other god throughout history, is simply to serve as a simple (lazy) explanation for why something is happening that cannot otherwise be explained with existing information.  Even more specifically, health, Weather, Astronomy, natural disasters, and food production.  If you get a disease, it’s because God is upset with you, but only because they had no conception of bacteriology or virology.  If it doesn’t rain for 4 months, it’s because you have done something wrong, but only because they have no conception of meteorology, and so it followed for every comet, solar and lunar eclipse, earthquake, volcano, flood, drought and famine.  Famine is my favorite example because it explains so much more of the basis of the Judeo-Christian faith.  Because these ancient people had no concept of soil nutrition, they farmed their soil into complete nutritional depletion.  What are they to assume when an animal is killed on these fields and the seeds they’ve been planting start growing where the blood is spilled?  All the sudden God craves blood, offered in ritual sacrifice as an apology for our poor behavior.  Actually, there are a lot of really great scientific observations happening.  The problem is they had no discipline in their conclusions.  They never skeptically tested the claims of the priest.  No one ever said, “Well what happens when you put blood on the ground without the ritual part?”.  Unfortunately their book has specifically forbade them from testing it, and that alone has made the Judeo-Christian faith, in my opinion, one of the most destructive forces in human history.

Second is contrast, and here’s what I mean by that.  Contrast, just for a complete picture is a measure of difference.  Difference between two different colors, difference in brightness, difference in tone, etc.  I think of contrast as the distance between 2 comparisons.  The comparison is as follows.

We live in this planet, next to our sun, in a solar system with 8 planets with 173 identified moons.  Assuming we are the average, there are 400 billion stars in the Milky Way, our home galaxy. 400 billion * (173 +8) = 72.4 TRILLION major objects in our galaxy alone.  Now multiply that by another 100 Billion galaxies in the known universe. 724,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 moon size objects or larger.  That’s 724 septillion for those who are unfamiliar with such large numbers.  If you can imagine having a million dollars, times that by 1,000 and you’ll have a billion.  Times THAT by another thousand and you have a trillion dollars.  No one has a trillion dollars.  The top 10 richest people on the planet combined barely have half a trillion dollars. Times that by 1,000, you get to one quadrillion,then quintillion, sextillion, and finally one more time for 1 septillion dollars.  Times that by 724 and that’s how many large objects we can assume there may be in the universe.  The definition of what I mean by contrast is when you tell me there is an omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient being that is inherent in everything and intimately aware of everything in the universe, guiding and dictating the natural forces of the universe, in the sun and the stars, the crushing gravity of a black hole, a pulsar, the expansion of a nebula and the spinning of a galaxy….  but that this being is super concerned with whether or not I masturbate and he hates my brother because he prefers to kiss boys…

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Capitalism: On the Pedestal

On a Pedestal: An expression describing the undue elevation of a concept, typically rendering it overly lauded and generally immune to questioning.
 
Today, on the pedestal we have Capitalism. The economic foundation of our country that is absolutely worshiped by the political right and regularly used to defend corporate greed.
 
The reality? Fossil fuels are fast approaching obsolescence. Power utility monopolies are crumbling in the wake of renewable implementation. American cars are quickly becoming some of the least reliable vehicles and as a result are going under. The vast majority of our goods are now manufactured in another country and we’re outsourcing what labor we can and using as much cheap immigrant labor as possible. We are falling behind in the innovation race as other countries become more sophisticated. Our prison and healthcare system is a complete joke and our government has become an institution where everything is decided by the wealthy, for the wealthy and they are doing a fantastic job
 
Why? Capitalism. Coal is now more expensive than Solar so Coal is dying. Solar and Wind energy allows a single home to maintain their own power needs and often even sell excess electricity back to the Grid. Energy independence = Freedom but you fight it because science is just some liberal conspiracy. Toyota, Nissan, and Subaru manufacture cars that are practically guaranteed to push 300,000 miles with little more than standard maintenance. With U.S. made cars anything over 100,000 miles is a miracle. It is cheaper to make something, and then send it across an ocean than it is to make it here. All this is is exported slave labor. That’s right, no. We did NOT abolish slavery. We exported it because our conscience is immune to that which we don’t have to face. India now has it’s own Silicon Valley and China keeps using enforced patriotism to steal our technology. Our prisons and our healthcare system operate on the same principle. We don’t cure people, we treat their symptoms. We keep them sick for as long as possible to perpetuate the cycling through the system in order to take as much from them as we can. When money is power, politics is bought and paid for. When the people who are making the rules are making all the rules to leverage their position, we are officially hopeless. Recently a politician in Illinois got away with admitting to countless acts of child molestation because a bill that he passed stipulated that offenders could not be charged retroactively. These people are despicable, and we have put them in charge of the planet…
 
Because Capitalism has motivated the creation of a market and political system where the primary motivation is to TAKE as much as we possibly can.
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The Miracle of Contradiction. Your Path to God is Our Path to Peace.

I recently had the unbelievable and quite misplaced privilege to give a presentation at the 2015 Parliament of World Religions.  For those who were unable to attend, I wanted to post the in case you were curious enough to give it a read.  I want to thank everyone that was able to support this effort and provide your invaluable feedback.  It truly was an unforgettable experience!  Thanks for reading!

Although it may not be where the whole story begins, the best place for my talk to begin is the moment, a few months ago when I received notice that my proposal to the Parliament had been accepted, and that I needed to submit a 100 word Bio describing myself, my work and any relevant accomplishments.  Honestly I had never even written a bio before and had no idea where to start, so I decided that I would use the other bios already posted to the Parliament of World Religions website as inspiration.  It seemed simple enough!  I’d just figure out what other people put in their bios, and I could use similar information from my life to fill out my own.  

I discovered 2 things.  One:  The Bio should be written in the 3rd person, so that it sounds like someone else wrote it, giving the bio a much more external and objective viewpoint.  And Two:  I am unbelievably under qualified to be here!  Every single Bio started with something amazing like “Dr.”, or “Author”, “Nobel Laureate”, or “His Holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama”.  It was pretty terrifying!  

My first impulse was to back out, inform the parliament that there had been some kind of mistake in accepting my proposal and that this time would be much better served to let someone more qualified fill it.  

But then I got to thinking about it.  About  that word “qualified”.  It is a very effective term most of the time, in business, finance or sports.  Qualification is a very necessary part of making sure that someone is going to be an effective use of your resources, but I didn’t feel like spiritual philosophy fit into those categories and found myself asking, “how does someone qualify as a spiritual authority?”.  

There is the obvious case for tenure.  Once anyone has spent so much time directly involved with anything, they are bound to learn enough to qualify.  But spirituality represents it’s own unique scenario, where someone may spend their lives embedded in it and still fail to grasp the fundamental truths of the system.  The other obvious answer was that spiritual authority can be demonstrated through understanding, regardless of how long someone has been engaged in the practice; some people just get it!

This lead me further to examine the nature of religious philosophy as a whole, and that conclusion could be summarized by the word “Abstract”.  Abstract is beautiful description of religious philosophy, because the word affords the discipline so much freedom.  Freedom to grow and evolve.  The freedom to change and adapt to our individual circumstances.  By being infinitely flexible and open to the receiver’s interpretation, this philosophy can be molded and shaped to reflect and direct our individual challenges in a way that no other discipline is capable.  

And so my conclusion began to take shape, in that religious philosophy is not only accessible to anyone, it is open to everyone!  And so it’s authority is not measured by age, or time, certification, or even the ability to cite the applicable material.  I concluded that religious authority can only be characterized by the manifestation of it’s doctrine in your personal life.  Most of us have likely heard the scripture “if a man smite thee on thy cheek, then turn to him the other also.”  I have heard this scripture quoted more than I can count, but I doubt any of you have seen this concept realized in action any more than I have.  Despite its undeniable wisdom, it is simply too far a departure from our primitive nature to realistically enact.

And so authority, I concluded further, is attainable by anyone willing to listen to their doctrine and make an effort to apply it’s principles to their thoughts and actions. This conclusion was confirmed, first from a scripture I remembered from when I was a kid.  “Ask and ye shall receive. Knock and it shall be opened to you.  ”  This paired very well with the Buddhist teachings I know that teach us all to listen to our own spiritual authority in our hearts.  

So, I have come to believe that the only thing that separates the teachers from the students, is that the teacher has discovered how much more they can learn if they teach what they have already learned to the hungry souls around them.  Also, that they believe in what they have to say, and have the audacity enough to say it to anyone who will listen.  So, for better or worse, I am here today, simply because I believe in what I have to say, enough to say it in front of all of you, with the daring hope that at least one of you might hear something new, or maybe just reaffirm an established idea that may help you along your spiritual path.

 

For the sake of context, the primary perspective of this talk is that of a self proclaimed techno-philosopher, if you will, which, for my meaning is a description of this new age that spirituality has been forced to adapt to.  This new age has been defined by technology and the effect it has had on our interactions.  For example, the Parliament of World Religions began over 120 years ago.  In 1893 the leaders from the religions of the world gathered together to discuss their philosophy and their vision amongst one another in hopes of fostering a sense of global unity and interreligious peace.  At that time, technology, specifically communications technology was in a much more primitive state than it is today.  The primary mode of long distance communication was almost 4,300 years old.  Not a lot of people realize that the courrier based postal system that we’re still using was invented in 2,400 B.C.  The telegraph was available but with limited coverage.  The telephone had been invented, but it would still be 22 years before the first cross continental phone call from New York to San Francisco in 1915.  -So the purpose of the parliament was crystal clear.  Get everyone together, in one place at the same time and just talk, and learn, and brainstorm to build a vision for the harmonious future of the religious world.

 

So where are we today?  Today not only are there hundreds of thousands of calls made from New York to San Francisco every day, but if we want to, we can just fly there in a matter of hours, have our discussion, then fly back, IN A DAY!  We have cell phones in the hands of just about everyone, that can call, or text message anyone else, almost anywhere at any time!  We have the internet with facebook, Twitter, email, we can stream live video feeds with 50 people at the same time.  We have blogs, and youtube so that people can upload the historical documentation of their entire lives!  -But what does that all mean for us!? To me, it is the most beautiful thought in the world to realize that we are all more closely connected than we have ever been in the entirety of human history.  We have these tools that are ALL built for no other purpose than to facilitate our interactions, and that is where I believe the spirituality of technology lies, because I believe that of the many functions of spirituality, one of the most important is that it teaches us about the true nature of our relationships and guides us to interact with each other as beneficially as possible.  In this way, religion is as much about our relationships with one another as it is about our relationship with God. -To look at the state of technology through that perspective paints an incredible picture, where not only do we all have unlimited access to one another’s lives and stories, but based on the volume of consumption of that technology, the people of the world can’t seem to get enough of each other! And so it is the goal of the techno-philosopher to look at the new age of relationships and figure out how to help to make the billions of interactions that happen on an HOURLY basis peaceful, civil and cooperative.

 

So, then, the story of what I am here to talk about today is very simple.  It begins with a life-long, love-hate relationship with religion, that drove me away from the religion I was raised in and towards, literally, all of the other ones.  True to the nature of defiance, I ran as far away as I possibly could.  Knowing that my previous religion was anchored in the West, my heart fled to the east.  

I have to admit that my primary fascination was with the seemingly magical feats of reality bending accomplishments, achieved through the discipline of meditation.  Unbelievable focus, control and concentration.  Super-human strength, some even claim supernatural powers like telepathy or levitation.  It just so happened that I wanted nothing more in the universe than to be able to levitate!  And that’s exactly what I was chasing when I began my pursuit of Buddhism.  However, such is the mysterious way that Buddhism very promptly taught me that the greatest magic is not to be found in supernatural abilities, but instead to master the control of your own mind.  I found their stories beautiful and the wisdom profound.  I was absolutely hooked! And I wanted to know as much as I could, so I read everything I could get my hands on.  The more I learned, the more I wanted to know.  Eventually, however, the material began to get a bit repetitive.  There are endless books on the subject but quite a few of them tend to cover the same topics.  It felt like everything I had understood was being repeated over and over and everything else was too abstract for me to grasp.  It got to the point where I didn’t feel completely fulfilled by it anymore.  I wanted to learn something new and exciting again!  So I dove more into the history of Buddhism, specifically it’s roots in Hinduism.  I found it especially interesting that the story of the Buddha begins with a man trying to be a the best Hindu he could be, in much the same way that the story of Jesus Christ begins with a man trying to be the best hebrew he could be.  

That was the first of many parallels I would eventually become obsessed with finding, and not just between these 4 faiths.  I found them throughout the religious world.  Of all the similarities I was able to discern, there seemed to be one common thread that ran through the heart of every single religion.  The concept of love.  As intricate as their varied mythologies are, as diverse as their pantheon of holy figures may have been, with the myriad of stories told from earth and heaven alike, they all had one purpose, and one message.  There is a force that represents the will of the universe, and whether you call it God, Allah, Krishna, Nirvana, Zeus, or anything else, to grow closer to it, we must practice love for our fellow beings with all of our might!  

 

Once I had this realization in my heart, I had a mission.  And like all missions, along with determining where I should go, I also needed to determine where NOT to go.  If love was the target, then I should avoid the opposite, but I really didn’t have a good idea of what that was.  The obvious answer is hatred.  Obviously, if love was the pinnacle of liking someone and treating them well, then hatred was the pinnacle of disliking someone.  But I realized that there are so many ways to not love someone, even if you don’t necessarily hate them.  A lot of people neglect to love those around them, simply because they don’t know how, or maybe they just forget.  Buddhism refers to this concept as ignorance.  I feel like that was closer, but the translation never held up for me because in order to ignore something, you have to know that it’s there in the first place.  I was stuck trying to define how I felt for a long time, until I came across a quote by the Hindu philosopher J.D. Krishnamurti.  The answer to my question was violence.  The opposite of love is violence.

 

Violence is a very well understood and very common concept, but I feel like it is a bit underestimated.  When I talk about violence, I’m not necessarily speaking of it in terms of outward verbal or physical aggression.  I believe that violence, like most everything in morality and philosophy, is not a black or white occurrence, but rather that it takes place on a spectrum.  There are various degrees of violence ranging from the aggressive and apparent, to the subtle.  I generally understand that violence mostly takes place due to a lack of understanding, meaning that most everyone generally believes that they are doing the right thing and making the right decision, or at least, they don’t understand that they are making the wrong decision, and so their violence is tragically but honestly justified in their eyes.  But that doesn’t change the fact that they believe that they are doing the right thing.  With this in mind it is easily understood that no one wants to be evil.  Violence then becomes the result only of misguided behavior that either unintentionally harms someone, or, intentionally harms someone for a seemingly justifiable reason.  So, of the two types of violence, there is the egregious, or apparent violences.  Physical violence, verbal abuse, etc. which we all likely know too well.  Then there are the subtle violences, that we have all no doubt been a victim of, but we’ve also likely been a perpetrator as well.  Because of their subtle nature, they often pass unnoticed, with the hurt caused by them too slight to mention.  At best these subtle violences are so well executed that the victim may even believe that they have caused it themselves or worse, that they deserve it.

The violence I will reference specifically for the point I will try to make today occurs all over the spectrum and so may be the most effective form of violence.  It can be outwardly aggressive, or unnoticeably subtle.  It is also one that I would venture to say that most of us have been on both sides of, however, our purpose here this week is to reconcile this particular violence.  It is the violence of invalidation.  This is a violence that is particularly present in our religious culture and that is partially because it can be so subtly executed. I’ve actually already seen it here a number of times!

It is all too apparent that our modern society places great value upon being right.  It is an incredibly powerful position to hold for anyone in any sphere, but what’s more powerful than simply being right, for whatever reason, is to prove others wrong.  Yet again, there are sectors of society where this jostling for the power of correctness is very useful.  For empirical disciplines such as science, or history, correctness is incredibly valuable, in fact those disciplines tend to crumble in the presence of false or incomplete information.  However, I hope it is not spoiling anyone’s spirit to put forth that religion is not an empirical discipline.  It is by its very nature an abstract discipline built on faith in mostly word of mouth traditions that are infinitely open to individual interpretation according to our own experiences.  And that’s precisely where the violence happens.  In the endless effort to be right, we hold each other’s abstract religions accountable against an empirical rule set.  To do this we read through their traditional texts just enough to find anything we can disagree with. Any inconsistency that we can point out, or any contradiction in the story we can find amounts to the total invalidation of the entire religion and we make sure they know it.  

And so I make my first request that you might soften your heart enough to accept the following suggestion.  The physicist Neils Bohr once said “if you aren’t completely baffled by the implications of quantum physics, then you haven’t understood it well enough.”  I believe this idea fits well into the abstract religion but restated, “If you haven’t found a contradiction or inconsistency in your own religion, then you haven’t studied it well enough.”

So the natural question follows.  Does that mean that there are no true religions? My answer is, of course there are.  Ok then, well how can we explain the inconsistencies and the contradictions? This question was made especially difficult by a Hindu mantra I knew that had me convinced of the perfection of all of God’s creations.  Roughly translated it begins, “This is perfect!  That is perfect!  That which comes from perfection, is yet perfect!”.  So if every religion claiming a God describes that God as being perfect, then how could that perfect God allow for the dissemination of an imperfect gospel?  I have 2 answers to this question.

First, I would like to address the nature of imperfection.  Simply put, imperfection does not imply invalidation.  For example, if I gave you a tape measure and a magnifying glass, I’m fairly certain that you could examine any of the great structural accomplishments of our species and find an imperfection in it at some point.  So I ask, just because you find a crack in the mortar of the Taj Mahal, does that mean that it should be demolished?  If I were to tear a 20 dollar bill half way down the middle, would you no longer want it if I offered it to you freely?  I hate to be presumptuous but I hope your answer is no.  So I suggest to you today that imperfection does not destroy value.  If anything it should only serve as testament to the reality of a thing.  After all, is there anything in this world that is perfect? 

My second answer is a bit more complex but I believe it is the more profound of the two.  It begins with accepting that each and every religion represented here today contains a flaw of some kind, combined with the belief that the creator of the universe is perfect.  How do we reconcile the two?  I mentioned earlier that one of the purposes of religion was to guide us in our personal relationships and where that is true, the primary function of religion is to guide an individual toward nurturing their relationship with their God.  That religion is a very personal experience, but one that is so complex that it is very difficult to do without the assistance and guidance of others.  Unfortunately, at some point, some of us have a tendency to become over reliant on the guidance and assistance of others and before we know it, our religion is no longer a relationship between ourselves and our God, but between us and our church, or our pastor, priest, bishop, monk, perhaps believing that they are our religion, they are our link to God.  But, as the Buddha once said “the finger can only point the way to the moon, but the finger is not the moon.”  This is an important sentiment.  We have to remember that our role as religious leaders in our communities is not to be the moon, but to point our followers toward it.  However for those who are not so humble, God has left the miracle of contradiction.  You see, at some point in every diligent followers search for truth and salvation, if they search hard enough, they will find one.  I’m going to cite an example and as it is the faith I was raised in I’ll pick one from the Bible so that no one has any more reason to be offended than I do.  

In the Old Testament, Moses receives the miracle of the Ten Commandments directly from the hand of god, one of which reads, “Thou shalt not kill”.  However for most of the remainder of the Old Testament, God commands the entire nation of Israel into a never ending war campaign, conquering city after city, at times even bragging about not even sparing the women and children.  These people are not killed for any moral reason, other than that they just so happened to occupy the lands which God promised to the Nation of Israel.  They weren’t asked to leave, they were violently and impulsively conquered at the edge of a sword.  So there you have it, a glaring contradiction in the Judeo-Christian faith.  So what’s the answer?  In this case the question is the answer.  There is no amount of human logic or moral reasoning that can explain the coincidence of these conflicting ideas, that God forbids the act of killing, and then commands the execution of so many innocent souls.

 

I want to pause here, and give you a moment to examine your own thoughts.  It is absolutely understandable and expected that many of you may be thinking of any and all justifications you know of in defense of these actions.  I will admit freely that your justification may very well be more valid than my example. But I must ask that you keep in mind that this is just an example and that my intention is not to address your defense, but instead to set you free of your need for it.

 

So who do you ask a question that no man can answer?  I only know one answer.  You have to ask God! You have to pray!  For the sake of including all religions here I will submit that prayer by any name exists in all religious practices whether you call it prayer, or contemplation, meditation, pondering, asking, or whether you believe the conduit of any potential answers should be called the holy spirit, your intuition, your connection to the fundamental Buddha nature, it is the same in all religions, again, said perfectly by Jesus Christ when he said, “Ask, and ye shall receive.  Knock and it shall be opened to you.”  I know that! And I believe it because that’s exactly how I discovered the idea that I am attempting to impart.  

I didn’t quite get to the end of my religious story, but the last chapter begins with a man who has chased religion all the way back to where he started.  With all of the knowledge and wisdom I’d gained from studying the practices of the east, I took another look at the western religions, and when I got there, I heard the wisdom in the words of Jesus Christ in the new testament, but everything else just seemed like one contradiction after the other.  So I asked.  Having developed my relationship enough to know that prayer is a viable path to insight, like I had so many times before, I asked.  The only difference was, this time, I honestly didn’t expect an answer.  But I asked, and then I read until I found another, then I asked again, when suddenly, it dawned on me.  My search for the answer, was the answer.  I realized that my encounter with contradiction perfectly served it’s intended purpose.  It drove me directly to God.  I asked, and I received. This sentiment is even echoed in the tenets of Buddhism “Do not believe anything that anyone has told you, no matter who says it.  Even if I have said it, do not believe it unless it agrees with the sense of truth in your own heart.”  I heard the answer, and I knew it from the deepest places in my heart.

And that’s where the miracle happens!  When presented with a moral dead end, you have one place to turn, and that is back the first authority, back to the figurehead of your system of worship.  Once you have studied your religion so thoughtfully and to such depth that you find the holes in it, you can only turn back to God itself for the answers at which point your religion regains its intended state, as a relationship between your spirit and its maker, back to its source, back to God.

 

So I will close with one final suggestion.  That the religious are so often offended by the notion of someone pointing out holes in their religion, and that is understandable because for many, religion is the blanket that keeps us warm and safe in what can be such a cold and hostile world.  But keep in mind that though it serves well as a blanket, that it was built as net by a God that is all too well known for her mysterious ways.  I believe in a benevolent God that wants everyone to have what they want and he has done that with religion.  If your intention in examining religion is to find holes, then that’s exactly what you’ll find!  But those searching for substance and guidance will find it also, and they can cling to that while those who would only search for holes will be left with nothing to hold on to.  And so it is your duty to cling to your faith, and remember that everyone else is only doing their best to do the same.  The spiritual life is not always easy, and the path is not always straight forward, and I want you to understand that that’s ok.  I do not believe that God intended the religious life, or life at all to be simple.  However if you are able to cling to your faith with an open heart, when you are lost, you need only ask for directions.  You may not get the answer you want, and you may not get any answer immediately, but you will find it.  

Yet another of my favorite parallels between all religions is that there are men, and there is God and we have religion to teach us how to get back to him, but we all have our own path and rest assured that God will do everything it can to help you back to her.  -You must understand that this is YOUR path, and that no other person will ever follow it exactly, and that is how this idea is meant to foster true and lasting peace.  First it is designed to help you find peace in yourself, because after all, world peace is impossible in a world where no one is at peace with themselves.  But also If you understand that you are on your own path, and I am on mine, then no person has the authority to invalidate the path of anyone else leaving us all free to simply walk.  

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To Gun, or Not To Gun

So here we are again, in the midst of another gun debate, where one side wants to impose stricter regulations, and the other side wants to….  Wants to do everything they can to shut down the conversation, and avoid stricter regulations.

So let’s be straight here.  There is one argument that I see more than any other and I can’t believe how many people eat it up like it’s moral Cap’n Crunch, or Crunch Berries if you prefer.

“Banning guns won’t work because criminals don’t care about laws!”

There are a thousand iterations of this argument and they all have the same problems.

1: No one, and I mean absolutely no one is talking about banning guns.  It’s against the constitution.  That conversation is over before it even begins.  All anyone is talking about is putting better legal controls in place in order to more strictly regulate the sale and trade of guns and if you don’t believe that that will help keep them out of the hands of criminals, then I’m sorry, reason and logic just aren’t your forte, and you should probably be reading Rush Limbaughs blog instead.

2: The logic in this statement is the epitome of defeatism.  “Don’t say anything, because no one is going to listen.”.  By this logic, we should not have any Schools because some kids are just going to ditch anyways and a handful of others are just going to refuse to acknowledge the material or engage in the program.  We should get rid of any and all stoplights, road signs, crosswalks, lane markers, etc. based on the fact that people are inevitably going to speed, and try to make that light before it turns red, but fail and t-bone someones grandma!  It’s insane!  “Well, I may as well stop bathing because it’s not like I’m ever going to stop sweating… What’s the use!?”

One of my favorite versions of this argument references our unsuccessful drug laws and how outlawing drugs hasn’t kept them out of the hands of drug users.  Well that ones easy.  When is the last time you heard of anyone being addicted to an AK-47?  If guns were like drugs then that would be fine, but the ones that do all the damage are incredibly addictive and it is correct to say that you can’t legislate your way out of an addiction crisis.  The other low level drugs, say weed for example, they don’t do any harm at all… to anyone!  It would be an overstatement to compare weed to anything more than a water gun for the sake of analogy.  The only reason it’s illegal is because there are a ton of politicians out there that are apparently way too afraid of getting wet!  Sorry, the comparison just doesn’t hold any air.

3: My single biggest problem with this debate is that it’s not really a debate at all.  A debate is a structured dialog between two parties that are required to at least respect one another’s points enough to listen, and respond to the presented material.  In this case, everything explodes before anyone has even lit a match.  Every ones views are blown wildly out of proportion and that leads us to where we are now.  A conversation wildly reminiscent of an interaction between Dr. and Scott Evil, where the only words allowed out of anyone’s mouth is effectively “ZIP IT!”

The most depressing piece of the entire dialog, or lack thereof is that despite the atrocities we see occurring on a monthly basis, there is one party that has resolved in no uncertain terms that we shouldn’t do anything.  To hell with the families, they’ll get over it! You’re not taking my guns!  Because your guns, that no one even wants to deprive you of, so really it should be said, your easy access to a streamlined, no hassle purchasing mechanism for your guns, is more important to you than their sons, brothers, sisters, daughters.  Innocent people, mercilessly slaughtered, and because you can’t find a solution, you’re unwilling to entertain anyone else’s.

It would seem in all things 21st Century, our biggest obstacle to progress is the extremist right wing.

The blood is on your hands!

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Christian Nation, Gay Marriage, Eternal Doom!

I just watched a video by a Rabbi, proclaiming the holy Christian history of the U.S.  and how gay marriage is going to bring this country to it’s knees because we, as a nation have fallen out of harmony with Biblical Law.

Ok well, one thing the political party of God can do to help bring this country back in to biblical compliance is start following it. Starting with immigration

Leviticus 19:33-34 “When a stranger sojourns with you in your land, you shall not do him wrong. You shall treat the stranger who sojourns with you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt”

Have the wealthiest of you give your money to support education instead of destroying it.
Proverbs 16:16 – “How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.”

Outlaw women wearing pants!
Deuteronomy 22:5 – “A woman shall not wear a man’s garment, nor shall a man put on a woman’s cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God.

Outlaw Divorce.
Luke 16:18 – “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.”

And pork.
Leviticus 11:7-8 – “And the pig, because it parts the hoof and is cloven-footed but does not chew the cud, is unclean to you. You shall not eat any of their flesh, and you shall not touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you.”

I could go on for days with this line but I think you get the point.

My biggest beef here is that the bible doesn’t say anything about gay marriage. It bans gay sex. It is an unfortunate side effect of repression that an action becomes attached to the means of permission, meaning that because Christians are not allowed to have sex until they’re married, the entire institution is epitomized and degraded by it’s sexual affiliation. But marriage is about more than sex. It isn’t about sex at all for gay couples, they are going to have sex regardless of whether or not you give them permission. Marriage, for them, is about love, commitment, and tax breaks.

And yes, there were christians present during the creation of this country. None the less, it is not a theocracy. Separation of church and state.

Treaty of Tripoli, Article 11 – Year 1797
“As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion….”

Letter from President Thomas Jefferson – Year 1802
“Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between Man & his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, & not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should “make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof”, thus building a wall of separation between Church & State.”

Also corroborated by James Madison in 1789.

Yes there were a lot of people that claimed the U.S. for the Judeo-ChristianGod, but none of them happened to be any of the people that actually founded the country. They were one off extremist Christian ideologists who were loud enough for someone to write it down.

Being that we never have been a “Christian Country”, we reached greatness without the blessing of God. We reached greatness by spearheading the industrial revolution! Science made this country great. God has played his part in helping to chart a moral and philosophical path, but every good exported, every dime pumped through our economy, every war we’ve fought, we’ve won because science gave us the superior technology FIRST. If god is responsible for the technology, well, he was giving it to everyone. It was always a race.

Tell you what, you put a list of everything God contributed to the found and erection of this country together, and I will do the same for scientific achievement. We will call the comparison “The quantification of the distribution of blessings”.

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To Torture, or NOT to Torture.

I rarely, and I do mean RARELY turn off NPR, but I did today.  For the umpteenth day in a row, they have been obsessing over the newly released CIA documents detailing the “Enhanced Interrogation” tactics used at Guantanamo Bay highlighting the debate between Republicans and Democrats.  Republicans defending their usage based on the fact that we obtained useful intelligence from these practices and the Democrats saying, “No we didn’t.”  all the while both sides are completely ignoring the real implications here asking questions that ultimately can’t be answered either way.  So let’s ask the real questions shall we?

Question number one.  Was it even torture?  This one is easy.  YES!  Waterboarding is described as “simulated drowning”.  It’s not.  It IS drowning.  Waterboarding is the process of forcing a person to lay down, holding a towel over their face and dumping water over the towel, forcing them to inhale water in to their lungs, then stopping while they are still alive enough evacuate the water from their lungs.  I, and I’m sure most anyone who has ever spent enough time in a pool, have almost drowned and it was terrifying.  This terror is the functional tool of waterboarding and using terror at that level to coerce cooperation is torture.

The other activity in question is called “Rectal Hydration”….. Use your imagination!  It is my understanding that the definition of rape is the forceful insertion of any object into the vagina or rectum.  I think a hose would be the qualifier here.  It is enough to say that using rape as a means of coercing cooperation is torture, but they went even further to inflate the subjects intestines with water once the hose was inserted, only to spill the contents all over themselves once the hose was removed.  If that doesn’t qualify as torture to you, you suck at being a human or you have some pretty twisted sexual preferences and ZERO empathy.

Question number TWO! Did we obtain any useful intelligence from these activities.  Another simple answer.  YES!  Despite the Democrats assertions, it is inarguable that we obtained some useful information at some point from these practices, but that just throws us headlong in to question number three.  Was it justified?  simple answers abounding, NO!

At some point in the building of this country, we developed a document call the Constitution.  This constitution was developed in the interest of enumerating the God given rights of man, not just Americans, these are God given rights and so apply to everyone, regardless of citizenship.  In this document, we have guaranteed the people, again, ALL people protection from what we call cruel and unusual punishment, up to and including torture.  It was established that the ultimate ends are irrelevant.  Torture is never a justified means of achieving it.  So according to the laws of this land, it doesn’t matter if we obtained useful intelligence, these acts were torture and torture is never justifiable… according to the laws of the land.

Question 4.  What’s the endgame?  One of  two things that need to happen.  We know that torture is against American law, but torture was used to keep Americans safe so we need to ask ourselves, is torture in fact justifiable under certain circumstances? and so, do we need to further amend our constitution to allow for the use of torture?  Not so simple answer here, but I feel once we decide that torture is a justifiable means of protection our country, it’s only a matter a time before the details of that decision are distorted and abused to the extent of using these tactics on ourselves because someone “became a threat to our country”, an all too ambiguous definition too easily applied to any manifestation of dissent.  I hope to God that this is not the route our country decides to take.

The other option, and in my opinion the ideal outcome would be for someone in the accused organization to manifest a little backbone, stand up and acknowledge that torture is illegal and should remain illegal because it is in fact cruel and disgusting, however that does not change the fact that torture was used to force cooperation.   “Torture was used, and useful information was obtained.  However just because useful intelligence was obtained does not negate the fact that one of THE laws that make this country great was broken.”  This individual would assert their accomplishment while admitting guilt, and as an act of unparalleled patriotism, accept full accountability for their actions, and submit themselves for lawful prosecution.  Just because you break the law does not mean you don’t respect them.  It means that you recognize that sometimes laws conflict and you have to make a value judgement, even if that means you sacrifice your freedom in the process.  That is the difference between heroes and cowards.

That’s all I have to say.

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What if Jesus Died for Nothing?

Crazy (likely offensive) question I know, but please hear me out!  This question isn’t even really about Jesus, it’s about you.  It’s about the church built in his name and their emphasis on the concept of atonement.

I will qualify at this point that I do not identify as christian for the reasons I am about to express and I hope that information doesn’t immediately alienate my opinion from any possible semblance of validity.  I do not identify with any religion and it is for precisely the opposite reason that most people refuse to identify with any religion.  I am under the impression that most who claim agnosticism or atheism do so because they have found no valid information in any of the religious customs they have encountered.  On the contrary, I do not identify with any one religion precisely because I have found so much truth and so much wisdom in all of them, and throughout my study of religion, I developed an incredibly deep and profound respect for the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Firstly, all of the great prophets of history have a few things in common.  First, they all teach love. Period.  Secondly, there seems to be a trend towards spending roughly 40 days in some sort of removed sabbatical from mundane life.  Moses spent 40 days at the top of Mount Sinai while receiving the stone tablets from god.  Noah spent 40 days and 40 nights at sea during the flood.  Buddha spent 49 days meditating underneath a tree ultimately culminating in his enlightenment.  And immediately following the baptism of Jesus Christ and the descent of the white dove of God in to his spirit, he spent 40 days in the wilderness where he encountered and resisted the temptation of Satan.  But it is not the purpose of this essay to talk you into following other religions.  I was only attempting to explain why I find it expedient to follow so many.

As for the gospel of Christ, one of the most powerful philosophies it shares with the other great teachings is that it teaches empowerment.  In one single phrase, Jesus conveyed the idea perfectly.  “Ask and ye shall receive. Seek and ye shall find. Knock and it shall be opened to you.”  He goes on “ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.”.

So this is where the conversation usually alienates people.  It is my duty to the Gospel of Christ to inform you that there is some severe contrast between the Gospel of Christ, and the Christian Gospel.  This is where we have to bring up the concept of the atonement because there is no idea I have found in any religion that is more limiting of the human spirit than that of the atonement.  It is taught that we are born guilty of this original and inescapable sin.  We are taught that because we are human, we are sinners and consequently it is only through the atonement of Jesus Christ that we can be forgiven by God and return to heaven.  This is irreconcilable with the teachings of Christ, who taught us to strive for holy action and to follow in his footsteps.  Christ wanted us to live as he lived so that we could see what he saw, but then at the same time, we are told that this isn’t possible because Jesus was perfect and we can never be perfect like Jesus.  So the question I beg is why would you, or anyone else for that matter even attempt to try?  We are born with an inescapable sense that dictates, “if it can’t be done, don’t do it.”  and that’s where christianity falls apart.

If I’ve ever seen the word “Atonement”, I’ve seen it more in the last week than I can ever remember.  Part of that is because I am currently reading the book of Exodus.  The rest has been scattered throughout the written world and could be sheer coincidence.  Could just be that I’m noticing it more because it’s on my mind, and it’s stuck there because it’s pulling my mind apart.  Growing up, my mom always told me that the God of our (now just her) church is not the kind of God that requires a blood sacrifice as the medium of currency for atonement.  Having read it for myself, turns out He was, and further, essentially still is.

In the book of Exodus, God directly describes to Moses both the purpose and exact process of slaughtering animals and sprinkling their blood all over the alter and the priests performing the ritual, and then he tells him that the animals will be slaughtered as payment, and atonement for the sins of the people.  Then it occurred to me, that they were essentially talking about Jesus.  The primary function of Jesus, according to the vast majority of modern Christianity, was to be slaughtered to atone for the sins of man, all be it a more permanent atonement.  The problem is, nobody ever told me why?  Why did Jesus have to die?  What is it about the nature of God that makes it impossible for him to forgive our sins without murdering something?

Then I remember how much I dislike the God of the old testament, with all the fire and brimstone and wrath.  The pillars of salt, the inexplicable killing of people who refuse to impregnate their widowed sister in law.  Torture, punishment, anger, all of it.  I mean, at one point Moses had to talk God out of Killing all of the people of Israel because he would seem mischievous to the people of Egypt, whom he’d slaughtered untold numbers of for the sake of freeing the people of Israel.  I should qualify that I have an incredibly close relationship with something I am obliged to call God and the thing that I know is in no way shape or form like that.  

So there’s some spillover that needs to be explained here.  Christ taught his people about a loving, kind, understanding, wise, omnipotent, omnipresent God, nothing like the character described in the old testament.  I’d like to think those differences include the lack of need for blood sacrifice.

So there’s the first part.  I disagree with the concept of Christs atonement based on the notion that the God who required blood sacrifice for the sake of atonement (the God of the Old Testament) was not the God that Christ spoke of.  I like to think of God as being powerful enough to forgive people just for the sake of forgiveness, without the ritualistic spilling of blood.

On to the second part.  We are born with a notion in our mind that all people tend to follow.  It is the most basic of common knowledge.  “If it can’t be done, don’t do it.”  So many people won’t even attempt to do something they can do.  Very few people attempt to do something, knowing full well that it is completely impossible, and most of those who do anyway are certifiable.  So what does that have to do with this?  Sin.  According to the church, we are born in to sin and it is inescapable, but through the power of the atonement of the son of God, we may be forgiven if we repent.  Now how exactly do expect people to act if you tell them that the quintessential characterization of goodness is impossible to achieve?  No wonder you don’t hear of anyone acting, much less living, like Christ!  You tell them out of the gate that it’s impossible!  Furthermore, the only way to get to Heaven is to blame him for all of your mistakes.  This just seems too backwards for me to comprehend.

On the other hand, I have an incredibly deep and profound appreciation for the teachings of Christ.  What he taught about love, understanding, compassion, and life in general was nothing short of godly, and that’s where I believe the true value of Christ lies.  If you follow his word, he tells you plainly that you can follow in his footsteps and that heaven is attainable through him, not because he died for you, but because he lived for you.  All you have to do is turn your back on notions like original sin and the atonement, and you become empowered to live a better, kinder, more loving and compassionate existence because all the sudden you realize that it’s possible!

But let’s say I’m wrong.  It happens often enough.  Let’s say that the atonement is real.  What would happen if you turned away from it anyway?  You still end up growing that much closer to Christ by following the path he led.  You live more righteously because you know it’s possible and you take responsibility for your own sins upon yourself and you still get to go to heaven because God isn’t stupid.  He knows you, and what you’re capable of and if you lived half the life Christ lived, you’d realize you don’t even have to wait to die before you go to heaven.  It’s here!  You can find it!  But even if I’m wrong and you make all that effort to live as Christ lived and are better off for it, I promise you, there is not a person in the universe that has ever lived that would ever be more glad to have died for nothing.

With all the love I have…

Thanks for reading!

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I’m no longer straight.

I have 2 kinds of friends.  The first who saw this title and thought “heh heh! Didn’t know you ever were!”, and the second type who will be at least slightly relieved to know that I am still heterosexual, and a bit curious about exactly what the hell I’m talking about.  Anyone who pays even the slightest bit of attention to anything I do/write/post knows that I am fairly passionate advocate for LGBT rights.  They may have also noted that I am extremely passionate, maybe even obsessed with words, and that is what I am talking about.  

A thought too mundane to remember got me thinking about the word straight, and all in all it’s pretty “straight forward”.  Straight is good!  Straight is common and desirable.  Straight is direct and well formed.  We have incorporated the idea into our daily vernacular, having adopted such colloquialisms as “Straight as an arrow!”, “Straight away”, “Straight to bed” or anywhere else for that matter.  Then there is perhaps the most meaningful appearance in the term defining ones adherence to moral guidelines, or rather “walking the straight and narrow path.”  As I struggled to find more examples to illuminate the subject, I inevitably came to the implications of the word as used in regard to our sexuality…  Then I got kinda sad…

“Straight… I’m straight.”  I thought.  The contextual opposite being gay I suppose.  However in the creative world of word-smithing context is rarely seen as a border, so I continued.  I needed to dig deeper, in to the true meaning of the adopted phrase and so it was dissected further, “If someone isn’t straight they’re gay, but if something isn’t straight, it’s crooked, jagged, broken, flaccid, curved, inconsistent, indirect, wayward, atypical…”  My sadness deepened.  I became immediately aware of one of our society’s subtle prejudices.  Whether we realize it or not, as it turns out, defining one group as straight automatically defines the counter group as the opposite of straight, and I personally couldn’t think of even a single synonym that painted the opposite of straight in a positive light.  This, for me anyway, paints an inevitably imbalanced picture where one group is elevated and the other is slandered one subtle syllable at a time.

Now let me be clear.  I speak for myself.  I’m not trying to start a war of the words and the last thing anyone needs is another point of condescension, and for me, I just don’t think I can refer to myself as straight anymore in good conscience, knowing what it indirectly implies about anyone who isn’t. Furthermore, I don’t think you should always have to ask for someone to stop hurting you.  I firmly believe that it is in everyone’s best interest to do what we can to mitigate our own damage.  As far as I am concerned, this is just one more thing I can do to hurt as little as possible.  I hope it catches on, but who knows?  

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Darkness and light.

Mouth 3
caverns

As my days tend to go yesterday wasof the more reflective type. I had the opportunity to drive a couple hours to the north west and visit the Carlsbad Caverns of south east New Mexico. Like most experiences I had anticipated it’s value as being strictly adventurous but found myself progressively drawn in to the metaphorical value of the place. It begins abrubtly. Within 30 feet of the cave entrance, you are hit with a 20 degree temperature drop and the gagging smell of bird shit. You look down and all you see is darkness interrupted only by the occasional camera flash. A person with very deep religious interests such as mine faces can only descend so deep in to the earth before we start wondering where the entrance to Hell may be. The descent is long and gradual. It felt as if my mind was on the same path as my body, progressively descending in to putrid darkness as the last glimmer of sun light faded in to the distance behind me. Looking at the jagged formations on the wall, I begin to recognize the grotesque images that my imagination shapes using the darker pieces of my mind. Everywhere I look, there is a contorted, mangled face, a gaping mouth filled with needle tipped spires and a razor tongue, or maybe an engorged and mutilated arm reaching for my soul but frozen in agony. Between the lit corridors, there are numberless dark ones in which I half expect to see a pair of tortured, glowing eyes. But then a sign draws my mind away from the demons and back to the empirical pilar explanation of the towering calcite formations that have grown drop by drop over the last few million years. Awe sets in. The Biblical suggestions of my past are suppressed and my eyes are pried open and filled with the wonder of this incredible place. There is no evil here. This is a temple carved and shaped by the most meticulous of natural processes. Once I had allowed myself to be absorbed in to the spirituality of the place, my first impulse was to meditate, but the peace of the place was destroyed by the incessant hum of electrical lines coursing the entire cavern. I thought about finding a way to cut the power but the ensuing pandemonium would be significantly less peacefully than the buzzing. One interesting piece of a caverns character is the acoustics. Because it is a relatively sealed environment with only hard surfaces, you can hear someone sniffling across the entire cave system. It only takes once for anyone to realize how effectively any noise they make will carry and from then on there is a concerted effort to keep the noise levels to a minimum. This results in a cathedral like reverence that further amplifies both the spiritual character of the place and the sound of water constantly falling from the ceiling. All things considered, after 3 miles and 2 1/2 hours of this, it begins to feel as claustrophobic as it does repetitive and all I could think about was getting back in to the sun light. I thought about taking the elevator, but I’ve been on too many trails to deprive myself of the entirely unique experience of “going back”. It’s always written off as redundant, “if you saw it coming in, you’re just gonna see it again on the way out!” This couldn’t be more wrong. Somehow, even though you follow the same path, nothing ever looks the same on the way back. There is no sense of familiarity, it’s just a completely new experience with things you’ve never seen with the added satisfaction of having some semblance of home at the end of it, so I walked. Wet paths seem steeper on the way down. I guess the prospect of a fall is just a bit more daunting when the path is falling away from you. On the way up, I let the endorphins take over so that the pensive mentality could fall into the meditation I had been deprived of earlier. I didn’t stop. Not for a picture, a breath or even a drink of water. I kept my eyes on the path and my mind on the sun. I couldn’t tell you how much I missed it, or why I missed it so much, but I felt like the darkness had somehow taken a piece of me away and only the sun could give it back. It felt so far away! So I walked faster. mouth 2The headache that had developed either from the inevitable gasses in the air, or the fact that I hadn’t eaten in far too long acted as a raging indicator of discontent once I got close enough to the cave entrance to smell the bird shit again. It hit me like a ton of bricks this time and made me a bit queasy. It was made even worse by the deal I had to make with my respiratory system. I could either walk slow and breath it in less deeply for a longer period of time, or I could continue quickly, deep breaths and get it over with. It felt disgusting, but I wanted to be rid of it so I continued to hoof it. And then I saw it! Just past the darkest part of the entire cave system, the first golden cascade of real, natural light. Excitement pushed my pace a bit until I got to it, hand stretched out so I could feel it as soon as possible as if I was the first patient ever to receive the newly found cure for vampirism. I didn’t care that I was acting a bit like a crazy person.  It felt positively incredible!  

As Excited as I was to get there, I was glad to be done with it.  It was an absolutely incredible place, astonishingly beautiful, majestic features.  I couldn’t turn my head without discovering something amazing and the sense of scale involved in both the size and age of the place absolutely boggled my mind.  But none the less, there are few animals built to withstand prolonged periods in the deep darkness of such a place and I am not one of them.

Of course as a cruel trick, a few minutes after I emerged from the cave, a gigantic storm system swept through just far enough to block out the sun.  I didn’t take it personally, but it hurt a bit, just enough to re-excite the sun thirst I had felt in the cave.  On my way back to the east, I could see a sliver of sunlight clipping the hill in front of me.  It looked like it was close enough to catch, so I stepped on it!  Luckily the speed limit everywhere out here is 75, so I went 84, passing oil and water trucks left and right,.  I looked at the storm system behind me and could see the sun just behind the lip of the clouds and felt the sun setting just fast enough to push the border between daylight and dusk just out of my reach.  By the time I made it to the top of the hill, the darkness had pushed on, but I could still see the sun light on the side of a water tower in front of me and so the race continued!  It seemed like every land mark I picked out was overtaken by the darkness just as I got to it and I had a terrible thought.  “You can only chase the light for so long before you have to consider that you may be the darkness.”  My foot lifted off of the accelerator a little bit and the car slowed with my enthusiasm as I considered that maybe some things just aren’t meant to bask in the sunlight.  Some things may just be inherently dark.  I had the image of an anthropomorphic cloud, with a broken spirit chasing the sun rays across the landscape.  He tried and tried, but they always seemed out of reach.  The faster he flew, the faster they ran, and so he slowed… then they slowed.  He screamed into the sky, “WHY ARE YOU TAUNTING ME!?” to which the sky replied, “You are a cloud.  You will never be in the light!”.  The cloud was broken by this and began to violently sob.  He sent his tears raining down on the ground below and his fists slammed lightning bolts in to the mountain side.  And then it happened.  He had finally rained enough that a pillar of light shot through his chest all the way to the ground beneath him.  When he felt what it was like, he finally understood what he was and that in order to achieve his dreams, he had to let go of what he wanted, and just be who he was and do what he was meant to do.  The cloud held this beautiful thought in his heart, raining tears of joy until he had completely precipitated, back into the ground, where he watched the sun set basking in the sunlight with me.

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